Updated: Apr 29, 2021
Please note that this, and all episodes of Thrice Cursed have been adapted from their original spoken form to text by myself, and some additional ad-libbed content may have been omitted. All content within is the sole property of Thrice Cursed Podcast. Please don't plagiarize. Plagiarism sucks.
Hello, I’m Rebekkah Rosewood, and this is Thrice Cursed.
Lately, it’s felt an awful lot like everyone is going through some hard times emotionally. So this week, I decided as a little self-care treat for us all, I’d do something on the lighter side. That’s right! It’s time for dumb criminals!
The people I’ll be discussing today brought out the worst in themselves for our own amusement. And for that, we thank them. Some of these WERE in an episode of my former podcast, so if you hear a story and think it sounds familiar, you’re not going crazy. At least, not for that reason. Today I’ll be telling you all about 10 crimes that were so dumb, they were cursed from the very start.
In 2015, Christopher Wallace was a 24-yr-old man living in Fairfield, Maine. He was wanted by police for burglary and theft related to an incident at a sporting camp in Pierce Pond Township where a propane cook stove and a cast iron wood stove were stolen on January 15, 2015.
The police issued a public statement, requesting the public’s assistance in locating him. At first, this didn’t seem to do much. That is, until a few weeks later when Wallace posted an image on snapchat. This image informed his friends that, despite the current man-hunt, he’s returned home. Obviously, his friends report him immediately, because play dumb games win dumb prizes.
So the police arrived at his home, where 20-yr-old Erika Hall answered the door. Upon questioning, she swore that Wallace had not returned home, and she hadn’t seen him in weeks. At his home, they recovered the two stolen stoves, but didn’t find Wallace immediately.
Meanwhile, this hambourine went back to snapchat. He posted that the police were in his house, but they couldn’t find him because he was hiding in the kitchen cabinets. So, his friends obviously called in another tip, and the police found him immediately. Not only did he lead directly to his own arrest, but also the arrest of Erika Hall, who lied to the police and harbored a fugitive. Way to be.
If you’re as allergic to the outdoors as I am, you’ll probably be just as surprised as I was to learn that fishing tournaments are a BIG deal. I mean, I knew that they were a thing. I just didn’t realize that they were something worth committing a legally punishable offense over.
Well apparently, one man by the name of Robby Rose in Garland, TX was angling for a big win. You see, Robby Rose had a reputation as a talented fisherman, and an even harder worker. Those who knew him said that the hours Rose spent on the water were unmatched by all. Despite the time put in, however, he struggled to make much of his time in tournaments. From 1997-2004 he entered 21 Bass minor league pro tournaments and only earned a total of $667.
Somewhat disheartened, Rose set his sights on high-level amateur events. This move ultimately paid off. By 2007, he was the highest earning angler in the “Skeeter Bass Champs Tournament Trail.” By this time, suspicion of cheating in fishing tournaments was rampant. Polygraph tests were even administered after wins. --Seriously… what even IS this underground world of extreme fishing?
Suspicion of Rose himself began to rise when he entered a team event solo. Despite fishing against 236 anglers, all of whom were working in teams to bring in five fish during brutal weather conditions, Robby Rose somehow managed to be one of the few “teams” to bring in the required number of fish.
Rose was soon notified that going forward, an independent observer would go out on any fishing expeditions going forward to ensure that he was on the square. And, like any fair and square champ, he dropped out of all future competitions through that particular faction. Though he did continue to compete in other regional tournaments and continued to rack up the wins.
In one particular Bud Light Trail competition in June of 2009, Robby Rose once again competed solo in a team competition. He came in at 2nd place, while 39 teams fell beneath him. After this, many anglers reached out to the manager, Jeff Fisher, stating that they wouldn’t participate should Rose be involved.
On October 24th, 2009, Rose was once again set to win big in another Bud Light Trail tournament on Lake Hubbard A Legend bass boat valued at $55,000, big. During weigh-in, it was determined that Rose had once again caught the biggest bass.
While the fish was stored away in a customary holding tank prior to being released, tournament officials began to notice strange qualities in the fish Rose had caught. Fisher stated that after the examination to ensure his bass was okay to be released they placed the fish back into the tank, and it “dropped like a rock.” Looking closer, they noticed a bulge in the stomach, and soon discovered that a 16oz, or 1lb weight had been forced into the fish’s mouth.
Rose had been in the process of taking his polygraph test during this discovery, and it was quickly cut short when they demanded that either Rose take the item out himself, or he could watch as they did. He removed the object with 1 finger, said “Sorry,” then walked away.
Don’t worry though! No fish were harmed in the making of this story! Little Bassface was safe, and later released. After a 4-month investigation led by Dallas County game warden Tom Carbone, Robby Rose was charged with attempted theft over $20,000 but less than $100,000. This is a felony offense. On April 13th of the following year, he pleaded guilty to the charges and was sentenced to 15 days in the Rockwall County jail. He was also ordered to pay a $3,000 fine, placed on probation for 5 years, and lost his Texas fishing license privileges for 5 years. In addition, he was also ordered to serve 250 hours of community service. Just goes to show, being a janky freshwater bitch fish doesn’t pay.
Rose claims that his decision to rig the weight of his fish stemmed, not from a desire to change the outcome of the tournament, but rather as a result of pent-up frustration. What could he have been frustrated about, you ask? Why, only years of disrespect from the fishing community who constantly questioned the validity of his catches and wins. And what better way to get revenge than to prove all of their concerns true. Smart move.
October 23rd, 2014, police were called to the Wazee Sports Center due to a robbery at a sporting goods store. Upon arrival, it didn’t take too long for authorities to narrow down their suspects to one individual. That individual would be 19-yr-old Thomas Thorson. Thorson had not only left a large knife behind at the scene, but also his cellphone.
Mind you, I’ve forgotten my cellphone in ALL kinds of places, and once my car keys were left in the door outside of a very busy movie theater in a mall, WHILE all of my possessions were inside of it because I was in the middle of a cross-state move. So… not a big deal. BUT, when I leave my cellphone somewhere, it doesn’t USUALLY have a photograph incriminating me in a robbery on it.
Well, Thorson’s did. So, in his phone --which I guess doesn’t have a passcode… C’mon buddy. Pro tip.. If you’re planning on doing illegal things… bare minimum, put a passcode on your phone. I mean, better to just not, but… -the police found a photo taken while Thorson was reaching through the exhaust fan. He was attempting to photograph the other side, but his face is clearly visible between the fan blades. So… giant whoops. Now, even if there was some really weird way to explain this photo away, the surveillance footage was the final nail in the coffin.
Later this same day, Thorson attempted to cash a fraudulent check in the same town with a woman named Dawn Anderson. She’d also enrolled her 17-yr-old son, Austin, into cashing a different fraudulent check elsewhere. -- Real mother of the year.
A sweep of Dawn’s home found 70 pieces of stolen property from 9 separate robberies. All 3 were promptly arrested. Thomas Thorson was held on felony counts of burglary to a dwelling, as well as armed burglary, and other charges.
Dawn was arrested for forgery, possession of stolen property, and being party to a crime. Her 17-yr-old son Austin was arrested for being party to a crime - forgery, and party to a crime - theft.
When asked about the crimes, Black River Falls Police Chief, Patrick LaBarbera said, “It really turned out nice, because we were able to solve a number of burglaries thanks to that photo. He really did us a favor!”
Thomas Thorson Dawn Anderson Austin Anderson
On Wednesday, November 28th, 2012 police in Waco, Nebraska arrested 19-year-old Hannah Sabata. Just 1 day prior, Sabata robbed the Cornerstone Bank. Seems pretty fast for a robbery where the criminal got away, right?
Well, let’s just say the police had a little bit of help! On the same day of her arrest, a YouTube video went viral. YouTube user Jellee Beanie posted a video titled “Chick Bank Robber.” And because you’re probably thinking it, let me just say, no. This wasn't a video recorded by some random bystander who happened to witness the robbery. This video was a tell-all by the robber herself.
Sabata uploaded a video, in pure emo-kid circa 2009ish fashion, where she held up handwritten signs. These signs stated she had robbed a bank and stolen a Pontiac Grand Am in York which she then drove to Waco and used as her getaway vehicle. She wrote that she stole more than $6,000, and held up a large wad of cash as proof.
She also wrote in this video that her motive behind the robbery was because “the whole system is a game.” With the money, she intended to pay off student loans and go on a shopping spree with her “big” get. That shopping spree never happened thanks to her video.
York County Sheriff Dale Radcliff stated, “all but $30 of the stolen money has been recovered.” They also recovered the stolen vehicle.
Hannah Sabata was taken to York County Jail, where she remains today. She was sentenced to 10-20 years in prison, a sentence she began serving in June of 2013.
left and right - images from Sabata's youtube video
center - Sabata being arrested after being awoken by the officers in her home
In October of 2014, Alvin Cross of Albany, GA was out on probation. It was just like any other night for him, only, his stash was out. Simple problems often require simple solutions, so he texted his dealer. This text read “You have some weed?” Swift, and to the point.
That same evening, there was a raid on his apartment by his parole officer, and several police. It turns out, that when he thought he’d been texting his dealer, he’d ACTUALLY texted his parole officer.
He received a one-year sentence for violating his parole, and an additional year when the raid turned up cocaine. If we’ve learned anything from Alvin, it’s that 2 seconds double-checking your phone could save you 2 years. Or just years and years of shame and self-hatred… depending on what you’re sending. I think it’s safe to say we’ve all sent a text at one time or another and felt the surge of panic upon realizing WE SENT IT TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Alvin Cross Jr.
On November 25, 2018, 37-year-old Shanetta Wilson took a trip to the Dollar General store in Dania Beach, Florida. It’s a great place to buy super cheap crafting supplies, gardening tools, home decor… and maybe even pass a little gas? You heard me correctly. It’s a normal human function and everyone does it, and yet, for some reason we’re all still embarrassed by it.
For Shanetta, the embarrassment was too much to handle. When she accidentally let it rip while in line, a man by the name of John Walker, who was in line behind her complained --Which, honestly… RUDE. I think the general consensus on proper farting etiquette here is to pretend you heard nothing and try not to breathe. But way to be a dick about it, guy. -- This complaint sent Wilson careening over the edge.
Wilson allegedly pulled a small “lock back knife” on the man, telling him she was going to ‘gut’ him. Ultimately, Wilson was simply full of hot air, as Walker made it out of the altercation just fine, and Shanetta Wilson was found by police deputies nearby, and identified by Walker.
Wilson was arrested and held in the Paul Rein Detention Facility in Pompano Beach. She was charged with aggravated ass-ault with a deadly weapon, without intent to kill, and bail was set at $2,500. I could find no sources to indicate whether or not Wilson was found guilty.
February 16th, 2010, 19-yr-old Stephan Crane was arrested after a break-in to the Ravalli Republic newsroom in Hamilton, Montana. Crane allegedly broke in through a window, then proceeded to just do whatever the fuck he wanted.
This translated to watching some porn, and logging into his personal MySpace and Facebook pages. As if that wasn’t dumb enough, when Crane had finished with his shenanigans, he stole some snacks from the breakroom. He then proceeded to Hansel & Gretel himself into capture by leaving a trail of stolen m&m’s to his sister’s door.
Following his arrest, Crane confessed to the crime, and stated he’d been inebriated when he was dropped off at his sister’s apartment building right next door. She didn’t open the door to let him in, he tried to get in through her window, which failed.
Well, there was a newspaper from Ravalli on the floor next to him, which probably led to his bright idea. Crane was remanded on felony charges of burglary and criminal mischief, as well as a misdemeanor count of theft. He was booked into the Ravalli County Detention Center.
(I could find no image of Stephan Crane have this gif instead!)
On July 26, 2009, a truly obliterated 25-year-old Mitchell Deslatte knocked on the entrance door to a hotel in Baton Rouge, LA. After being buzzed in, he drunkenly asked the front desk attendant for a room. All seems fine and good, right?
Well, how many hotels do you know of that have you buzzing into the lobby? The hotel was actually a State Troopers station, and the desk attendant was an officer. He was arrested and booked for driving while intoxicated.